Are you addicted to pornography and masturbation? Watch this beautiful lady – Sharon as share her testimony.
hey guys welcome to this video I’m
Sharon for those who don’t know me and
I’ll just be sharing my testimony so how
I came to Christ so yeah I gave my life
to the Lord
towards the end of 2016 so either in
August or September I can’t remember
exactly the month but it was around that
time and so that means I have been saved
for like two years and a bit but yeah so
– just like share my testimony in
everything I’ll have to go all the way
back to my childhood so yeah so for me I
grew up in a Christian household however
I did not have a personal relationship
Lord I was raised up as a Catholic to be
specific I went to Catholic nursery
Catholic Primary School Catholic
Secondary School when sick form and I
would go to Catholic Church but on the
other hand my mum would go to our
African Pentecostal church and sometimes
she would make us go with her there so
yeah I was going to Catholic Church and
Pentecostal church at the same time like
in all that I did not know the Lord I
did not have a relationship with him I
didn’t have the right perception of the
Lord I didn’t know who he was I used to
think that he was an angry God who just
wanted to punish everyone I would go to
Catholic Church and they would send for
the Pentecostal church and the
Pentecostal church was sent for the
Catholic so i was confused i was just
like these people cussing them man knees
man cussing them man what am i doing
like I’m just so confused I had so many
questions like I didn’t know who Jesus
was like all I knew is that he well son
God came and died and raised again I
didn’t know why we needed Jesus I didn’t
know why he died I didn’t know the
impact of him you know rising from the
dead I didn’t know what that all meant
for me like I didn’t know I just knew
that he came I know if he died anyways
again like well why I didn’t
and with my perception of the Lord being
angry and like always wanting to punish
people just like you know when I would
for sure
it would I would feel so scared like I
was terrified of God like seriously
terrified of God so I would run away and
in this time just to be transparent
because transparency is great
it can bless someone so um throughout my
childhood and teenage years I was
addicted to pornography and masturbation
um looking back at it was looking back
now it was definitely an addiction at
time I didn’t think it was but now as
I’m saved and delivered by the grace of
God I can definitely see that was it was
mad and it’s crazy because I became
addicted to all of that quite young um
so yeah with all of that I just felt
like a really really bad person like
ugly and like God hated me and wanted to
punish me so I kind of like ran away
from him and kind of like locked all
knowledge all you know interaction with
God because I just didn’t want to deal
with the reality of sin or my sin I
could say I did have a period of time
where I tried to please the rule with my
works or think that doing certain works
would earn my favor would earn favor
with him however I never got peace so I
just kind of like ran away
so like fast forwarding now to my
teenage years I’m still addicted to
pornography and masturbation and
to be honest I didn’t I felt that I feel
like I knew it was wrong but I would
always come with the excuse that you
know at least I’m still a virgin I’m not
actually having sex but um it’s still
sexual morality still bad it’s still
sexual morality still a sin there are no
levels to it still sin it’s still wrong
anyways so yeah in my teenagers are
still struggling with that and as I as I
grew older like in my teenage years I
believe I was kind of like experiencing
experiencing a form of depression I
don’t want to diagnose myself because I
never went to any counselor any
psychologist so I can’t say that I was
actually depressed but I was just really
really low over time and really angry
and bitter and like how I related to the
Lord now at this point in my life I was
very resentful towards him I was just
really angry with life and just like why
am I here
like just experiencing disappointments
in life in friendships and just feeling
lonely and rejected I was just really
really angry and there were times that I
just really desire to die like I really
wanted to like die and it wasn’t even a
thing of where I couldn’t go on all I
may be however it was more from a
selfish side selfish side to kind of
like be to everyone you’ve made me feel
like this so I’m gonna take my life so
you lots can feel pain and know that you
did this to me so it was very very very
wicked and around this time I began to
like question you know life after death
and eternity and I remember I used to
sit in my room and just think like
imagine an eternity like no end like
contemplating like I’m some philosopher
or some something like that and I was
just think like life off the Deaf
imagine an eternity in hell oh my gosh
what and just think like oh my gosh and
eternity in hell and just feel really
really really really scared and just
like either on one hand kind of like not
like they try to think on the subject of
like eternity or life after death or
just quickly say a repentance prayer but
still in my heart knowing no peace so
that’s what was going on with me at that
time and I was just filled with fear
because I just felt condemned and I was
just felt like I’m destined to go I felt
destined that to go to hell like the
Lord was gonna serve me tell and punish
me but I just felt hopeless I was just
like like there’s no hope because you
know like it speak for me they’re all or
that’s gonna punish me and I’m a bad
person sitting like like that I just
felt that there was nothing I could do
whom there’s nothing like nothing could
redeem me and because of how my life was
at the time in terms of like going
through teenage years or I don’t think
they’re going for like puberty or like
just not having the greatest time as a
teenager I was I would always long for
better days and so I got into the
reading horoscopes astrology and all
that crap so that one like your daily
horoscope I read that as if it was my
Bible verse of the day I read it every
day religiously it was mad and I
identified with everything they would
say about my star sign and I would take
as if it was truth that was my Bible
back in the day as a teenager just trash
oh my gosh wanna see rubbish and I’d be
like yeah this explains me so well yeah
yeah yeah I’ll read my daily horoscope
daily love horoscope all of that all of
that and yeah I was just into that and
just wanting to know what the future
held because like I didn’t have hope I
wanted to have hope but I didn’t know
what it was just really really really
mad I just
my mind was all over the place but there
was one time in my
teenage years where I don’t know what
happened but I was really really really
in pain emotionally and mentally and I
was just in my room crying I’m her Lord
why would you do this to me why would
you bring me into this world why would I
be putting this family why am i alive
and I believe I heard the Lord speak to
me and saying don’t worry have hope
things will get better and I kind of
took that I took that and yeah so I took
that and it kind of filled me with hope
however like I still didn’t have a
relationship with the Lord and still
running away from him so yeah I was
still running away from the Lord and not
wanting to deal with the gravity of my
nature you know kind of like yeah
ignoring it because I felt like there
was no hope for me I fall out those no
hope that the Lord will look at me and
say yeah you’re going to no matter what
you do you’re going to help you deserve
a bad life
I used to genuinely think the Lord
wanted to punish me in that all the
things I was going through as a teenager
and all up until I gave my life to him
like health wise and just emotionally a
lack of like my really really weird
friendships in terms of like always
feeling rejects it’ll be rejected or
just never having a long lasting
friendship was because Lord wanted to
punish me because I was a bad person
because I did bad things and you know
the Lord just wanted to punish me like I
deserved it even though technically we
deserve death but we have Jesus why deny
that and so yeah that’s what I was
thinking was going
out my teenage years and childhood so
now fast forward again I go off to uni
and when I go to unit one of the first
things I do is stop going church because
there was no one that forced me to go to
church so every Sunday I would just have
a lying a lion
I wouldn’t go to church and I won’t lie
I did try to go to church on one
occasion however being Bell so
frustrating and so uncomfortable for me
I felt so so frustrated and it made me
really angry because I just didn’t get
it so I kind of like gave up on you know
all of that unfaithful and everything
and yeah so in my second year this is
where everything gets a bit mad um in my
second year I feel like certain heart
issues started to come back up in terms
of loneliness and rejection I started to
feel very very alone I didn’t feel
secure in my friendships at all and I
started to isolate myself a bit I didn’t
really go coming or drink um as
regularly as I did in first year or in
general however when I would go out and
when I would drink I would drink a lot I
would go all out so I can say I did
perceive that my relationship with
alcohol was beginning to get a bit mad
however at the time I passed it off as
like unknown I caught a kind of drink
all the time but when I drank I drank so
there was an issue I wasn’t happy with
myself I wasn’t comfortable in myself I
used to feel like I needed alcohol to
loosen up and I preferred myself drunk
I preferred myself under the influence
of alcohol because I just thought I felt
free I felt like people preferred me
when I was drunk and it was just it was
just rubbish just rubbish so an incident
happened where I went out
I’m too clubbing event with my friends
and I had consumed such a large amount
of alcohol I ended up getting separated
from my friends and passing out on the
toilet with woman all over me um I had
blacked out but I blessed the Lord for
even in this situation his hand his hand
was always upon my life and he was just
protecting me and like that situation
whenever I think of it I just blessed
the Lord because that situation could
have gone so left some anything could
have happened to me in that state when I
got separated from my friends I like
anything could have happened like things
that I just don’t want to even think of
I just blessed the Lord even in that
stupid situation that I got myself into
he was there protecting me oh Jesus
thank you for your mercy because oh my
gosh we have that situation happen and I
just went on a downward spiral Oh like I
was so bitter I was so bitter towards
everyone bearing in mind it was me that
consumed the alcohol it was me that
drunk this alcohol no one forced me to
drink but I was bitter towards everyone
around me for not protecting me or
looking up for their drunk friend or not
following their friend to the toilet
knowing that she was drunk and I began
to question my friendships and just all
like all these heart issues of feeling
left out and just never truly loved came
back and it started to eat away I mean
that people don’t like people Jen you
don’t care about me and
it really led to me isolating myself and
just becoming and just becoming hardened
in my heart towards people and not
wanting to let them in um even at this
time I was angry towards God
like what Oh God how could this happen
to me or hold me like what was it why
like what I think back to how I used to
think I’m just like thank you God for
your grace and mercy because I put
myself in that situation not to be
shouting at God and there is a proverb
but um speaks on this let me see if I
can find him so I found the proverb and
it is proverbs 19 verse 3 and it says
people ruined their lives by their own
foolishness and then are angry at God
and this was literally me I had consumed
this alcohol I had ended up in that
situation and I was angry at God for not
protecting me from the situation just
don’t understand like I really don’t
understand that the entire I don’t
understand the entitlement I was feeling
that that I was thinking was mad he’s
just going back to you you know
everything I was just bitter towards
everyone I would cry myself to sleep um
I didn’t want to speak to anyone I
didn’t want to talk to anyone and but I
had no no I’m saying I mean oh my camera
died this way but I had this friend who
was saved and I was actually living with
her at the time however I didn’t tell
her about this situation because I
didn’t want to be judged by a Christian
like I didn’t want to be judged I
thought like she judged me at times
which wasn’t the case but I just always
felt judged by her so I didn’t tell her
what had happened what was going on but
she had found out through someone else
what had happened and I had heard that
she wanted to speak to me on Jesus and
when I heard that I don’t know war but I
just fought some kind of rage and kind
of like why does she want to speak to me
on Jesus Jesus I don’t need jesus i have
jesus for some reason I felt like I had
Jesus was pride
and like I thought like some kind of you
know I don’t know some I don’t know but
I felt like I didn’t need Jesus because
out I apparently already had him and
looking back I most definitely didn’t
have Jesus like I’ve been knowing that
I’ve been nude up I’m looking back I
didn’t know I didn’t have Jesus then and
if that was the case that I knew Christ
and I had a relationship with the Lord I
would not have reacted in such a
prideful manner because that was pride I
felt like there’s nothing wrong with me
life is fine like it was just a one-off
I just drunk like excessively on one
occasion that my life isn’t in ruins and
types of things like that I didn’t want
to feel like a I don’t know you know
like someone who comes to the end of
themselves like this and you know I
didn’t want to feel like that I kind of
like rejected all like kind of
conversation in regards to talking about
Jesus to me in in that incident at this
time as well I wish do it like you know
addicted to all that nonsense and I
started I was experiencing sleep
paralysis quite frequently and it would
always be in my uni room near my door I
would see a black figure just standing
there just standing outside of my room
sometimes pinning me down
I just felt heavy like I was
experiencing lots of sleep paralysis at
the time um so I was just going through
it I was going through it however I had
decided in my second year that I was
going to do a year abroad so I found out
ok well I’ll do my yearbook things would
get better and I I look back now and I
feel like my yearbook was me trying to
run away from everything and trying to
start again you know run away from all
my heart issues run away from all the
issues I’m having and just kind of start
again so now let’s fast forward to
my third year my second / third year
because this happened in the same year
2016 so yeah my second year / third year
is yeah 2016 so do y’all go state so now
fast forward to when I go to my year
abroad in Australia and my wall fell
apart I could have run away from my
issues like I couldn’t run away from the
emotional hurt the mental hurt and
confusion that was going on in my mind
all these high shoes it came it came all
at once it was mad I had never felt so
lonely in my life like I felt genuinely
like I had no one no one to turn to no
one I talked I started to experience
really really really bad social anxiety
um being around people cause me to be
very very anxious to the point where
like it made me sick to be around people
like I don’t feel physical pain because
I was so uncomfortable around people
like going into the corridors in my
accommodation my whole be doing skidded
it back like it was just moving mad like
I did not feel peace I was always
anxious always like in like in my head
but I could not feel comfortable and
this anxiety amidst my Christmas all the
time led me to feeling slightly
depressed and being awake was torture it
was torture I hated every minute of my
waking life of my life awake oh my gosh
being awake was so draining so painful I
felt so low so isolated so lonely so
heavy that it got to a point where I
just would force myself to be asleep so
I’ll wake up and force myself to go back
to sleep if I could I’ll have a shower I
only managed to make it out of my room
to have a shower but even then I would
calculate and make sure no one was
around and that I wouldn’t interact with
people so yeah I would wake up and go to
sleep I stopped eating I didn’t go into
the kitchen I stopped eating
even to like take the bins out was a
struggle because I didn’t want to see
people so my bins would pile up until it
got really bad then I’ll take everything
out but like yeah I was getting really
really really sick of being isolated in
my room wah I didn’t feel like I could
go out and be around people I found it
hard at one point and through all of
this I did try to turn to alcohol and
and go clubbing but in the moment it
felt great you know being under the
influence we were and like being free
but however the day after then the day
off did that I’d feel bad out for even
worse than what I thought before I had
consumed alcohol and I saw myself for
possibly going down the route of
alcoholism and having to be dependent on
alcohol all the time and I was like nah
that’s long so yeah I stopped doing all
of that and really just stayed in my
room sleeping 24/7 but I blessed Lord
because I was acquainted with a girl who
is now one of my closest friends and if
you know me you know who she is and who
I’m talking about you know who you are
and she was on the air board as well so
she was from she was also from work
University and she was doing a year
abroad and she had been saved a year
prior to going to on this year abroad
and I think she discerned she discerned
that there was something wrong with me
she hadn’t seen me for a while so she
messaged me or maybe she caught me 100
days I did leave my room and asked me
what how was everything and I think I
kind of opened up that I’m just feeling
a bit weird and she just invited me to
church and when she invited me to church
I thought okay it’ll be I was stuck
church I mean at least I’m leaving the
house and I’ll be around people that I
kind of know so I’ll be alright
Churchill right I just you know but when
I started to go to church I like there
was this desire for the road that just
ignited and sprouted up within me like I
suddenly wanted to know Jesus I wanted
to know God I was like
I really really want to know what I
really want to know Jim the God the
Jesus I was hearing the Jesus I was
hearing at church was different from you
know the perception I had before like I
was seeing or hearing of God as this
loving father as like of course that
loves me like genuinely desires to have
relationship with me through Jesus
Christ um I was learning about the
person of Jesus than just oh he did and
how much he loved men there was this
desire in me to know the Lord and I
would see my friend and her relationship
with the Lord and her desire to grow in
intimacy and just pursue him and also I
want that I want that you know and yeah
I just began to seek the Lord and I
remember as I was seeking him I would
get frustrated a lot because I was like
I just want Jesus I just want to know
him I just want to express I just want
an encounter so yeah so this is where
everything changes now so there was one
night I was in my room I was I was in my
room and anxiety and depression was
trying to impress me it was oppressing
me and I just started worshiping I
started worshiping and I started praying
I started crying out to the Lord for
help and I remember just being in my
room and just like worshiping and just
like praying literally I just remember
my highlight so when you’re like in the
air and all of a sudden as I’m praying
I’m crying out as I’m worshiping and
singing I start to feel a peace that
surpasses all understanding and as I
continue praying as I’m praying to the
Lord like what I was saying was starting
to not like make sense to me anymore it
wasn’t English anymore it was like
different syllables different sounds
were coming out of my mouth so I began
to pray in tongues and speak in tongues
and in that minute I was being but I was
being baptized with the Holy Spirit I
was baptized with the Holy Spirit I
remember as I might like what I was
saying began to change into like a thing
I’ve never had before top oh my gosh in
my head I was like oh my gosh I’m
speaking speaking in tongues but I did
like you know psych myself out of it all
like stops I just carried on I just
carried on and I just felt peace I just
felt peace that just overwhelmed me
I just felt a peace are overwhelmed me
and in that moment the Lord spoke to me
and just reassured me that everything
would be okay that he’s with me that he
will get me through but he will never
leave me
and I wrote something in my on my phone
as the ruler was speaking to me and I’m
gonna try and find it now okay so I
found what I wrote on my phone and it
turns out that this encounter actually
happened on the 25th of October 2016 so
yeah I gave my life to the Lord in
October not in August you’re not told
why I gave my life to Lord and this is
what the Lord said to me and I wrote it
I will never fail you you are my child
the apple of my eye
who is it that has sustained you this
far is it not me so please don’t worry
lay all your troubles aside bring them
to me and I will show you that I am
great greater than all your fears your
worries and your pain and when I heard
that from the Lord I was just I was I
was overwhelmed then I was actually in
awe I hope it’s just in all of the
moment and then just what the Lord had
done in that moment that he had taken my
fear my pain everything and like I felt
free I felt peace I thought oh I thought
joy and in that moment I knew the Lord
like cared I was like God you’re real
one you care but the feeling I felt in
his presence is nothing like I’ve ever
felt when I have thought of God or you
know anything to do with him before it
was it was just so real and the Lord is
good because I believe in that moment I
had been freed from a lot of a lot of
things I was struggling with like I
mentioned before I was addicted to
pornography I mastered
however after that incident I didn’t
have the desire to and I didn’t until I
backside which I’ll get into later and
like the desire to read daily horoscopes
kind of work off and left like I didn’t
have the desire for those things I just
wanted Jesus to know him more you know
so I feel like that was the turning
point in my life in terms of God Wow God
like Wow
yeah but despite that encounter our lie
I believed in the Lord like I had given
my life to him I surrendered my life to
Him like I believed however I didn’t go
into the world and get grounded in truth
and like I said in my other video 3 the
advice to new Christians when you get to
me when you give your life to Christ
guys it’s so important to get grounded
in the word to read the word and be
rooted in truth because the enemy will
attack him and throw temptation your way
throw attacks your way and if you don’t
know the full extent to which you have
been freed if you don’t know the true
authority that you have in Jesus Christ
you’re like a sitting duck like is mad
um and that’s what happened to me
because I wasn’t reading the truth and I
also kind of like distance myself from
Christian community and all of that led
to me backsliding so after I gave my
life to the Lord I was like I was
growing I was still you know seeking the
Lord I went back to the UK in like
mid-november and I didn’t go back to
Australia till February so in that time
between November and February I was and
the Lord is great because he enabled me
to get a job and I needed that money
I needed that she money honey I’m
however I wasn’t going to church and I
wasn’t reading the Bible I wasn’t you
know around Christian saying who would
start with who would challenge me and by
the time I had come back to Australia I
did kind of go to church but I was like
I’m not feeling this because of like
just Church her that I hadn’t healed
from from my past you know from
childhood and I just stopped going
Church um I just wanted upon returning
to Australia as well I had moved out
with my uni accommodation and moved into
a new house and my landlord was lovely
but she was hindi when she would have
all these idols everywhere and she
hadn’t she even had a temple like a
shrine that’s what I call it a shrine in
her house so I’m when I look back I’m
just like lord have mercy
because spiritually that isn’t great let
alone for a new Christian to be around
and in that environment um when I would
slip up and I would feel conviction at
this point like that was conviction of
the Holy Spirit however I kind of
ignored it I still had a desire for the
Lord and like compared to how I was
before Christ obviously I had different
relationship or way of relating through
all that was different I had a desire
for him however I was so condemned I
thought so condemned the enemy would
literally accuse me you know because I
had fallen back into this sin like I had
fallen into temptation again and in all
of these things and I’ll just feel
condemnation and feel like I don’t want
my daddy but I can’t come to him to
everything the enemy would remind me of
things from my past which would
literally just keep me awake and
sometimes cause me to question like if
I’m really safe like Lord like you’ve
really forgiven me from that like you
see that huge like you know and just
keep me awake at night
so I was struggling with all of that I
was in that backslidden state for about
five six months and then I returned to
England after my year abroad
and I’m never gonna lie like oh I think
about – a few days after I returned back
to the UK and I had a dream and in this
dream I was with a few other people and
I was with Jesus we were at his feet we
were with him and we were just with him
reading the word he was reading the word
to us we were just like taking the word
in and just enjoying fellowship and
enjoying time with him
I thought love I thought peace
I thought joy I just felt filmin yeah it
was good I was just like oh wow Jesus
yay and then Jesus took me now he took
me now to another place and this place
was dark this place was just there was
nothing in it I just there was just
nothing this if that’s even a word there
was nothing this it was dark
I thought fear like a fear I’ve never
felt the foot was very I was in a
sinister like was just like oh my gosh
just like and Jesus was like to me
Sharon this is a life without me it’s
this what you really want no she’s like
no no no no and I at that I woke up I
was like yay lord have mercy on me and I
repented leonie and I thanked him for
you know like reaching out to me and
just like opening my eyes and just like
sharing like baby girl wah like this
like were you doing you have me like
come on like you know and I just prayed
I know just like Lord so sorry and so
yeah later on that day I got a Bible and
I just opened up to chuck the book of
John and I was playing Travis green who
you waited and I’ve listened to this
song so many times before however I had
never heard this part before um it the
beginning of it it says you came out of
your way to come and sit and talk with
me and upon hearing that I just
into tears because like Jesus came out
of his way to talk to me even after I
had you know experienced him I had had
an encounter I’m like I had known him
and still returned to trash and I was
just like lord thank you for your mercy
thank you for your goodness and I was
just overwhelmed by his goodness and his
love and His mercy that he pursued me
and he saw me going down some negative
path then he just came and like took me
back onto the Pape he had set me on I
can honestly say that the Lord has
transformed my life and has been
transforming my life like has been a
great journey it’s been a journey and it
hasn’t always been easy but it’s been
worth it and I’m just so grateful
because I cannot imagine life without
the Lord I can’t imagine doing life
without the Lord kind of imagined life
about Jesus I ain’t even laugh that’s
death my movie like The Walking Dead and
I’m not here for right no I am so
grateful to Lord for him because like I
said he’s transformed my life he’s
transformed it completely Jesus Jesus
has truly conquered all he’s truly
conquered all like no matter how crazy
how mad you’ve fallen
no matter what mad thing you’ve done
like Jesus has conquered it all Jesus
died for it all and his blood covers it
water he is the perfect sacrifice and
it’s only through him that we can have
this freedom of this relationship with
brother that we are made right that we
are free from sin like nothing in our
own strength could ever please the Lord
or bring will give us salvation it’s
only through Jesus Christ and he there’s
nothing too small and there’s nothing
too big for him like think of the worst
thing someone can post
Jesus’s blood covers up and I’m just
gonna read out a 60-second gospel for
you and it goes like this
God loves you God hates sin because he’s
righteous because he’s pure because he’s
just he’s good and perfect he hates him
even if you were a good person you have
not lived a perfect life nor has anyone
else and your sin has separated you from
God your payment for sin is death and
hell but there is good news a perfect
substitute can make your payment and God
loves you so much that he gave Jesus as
your substitute and through the death of
Jesus Christ you can have eternal life
and by his resurrection death is the
fear this gift is free and you can never
deserve him and just by accepting this
gift your sins will be forgiven and
forgotten and you will be reconciled to
God and you relive with him forever in
heaven and guys this gospel is true this
gospel is true
um yeah guys I pray this has blessed you
please share this video so others can be
blessed please give this video a thumbs
up subscribe mine god bless you all
y’all best yeah used to be that brother
where there are two he’s the player fees
are higher honor my pal
I was trying to score lay up to our real
life God has a girl yanking hot stop
playing
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Do you think this testimony can help someone who is addicted to pornography and masturbation? Please do share, if yes.
